I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
