Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
