Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
