A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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