I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
