I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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