so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
