yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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