My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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