It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
