I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
