theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
being pregnant is like rehab
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
