Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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