I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
