i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
