i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
