just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
