so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
