New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The ass gains better be worth it
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