Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
