Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
