Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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