Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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