Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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