no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
