i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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