people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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