i permit you to call me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
