i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize