you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
