Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
