He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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