Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I am one with the molecules
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
