honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
