I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize