Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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