cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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