he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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