Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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