people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
