So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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