i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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