i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize