Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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