Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
