Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
