meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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