u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
