i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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