Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
