can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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