WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
