While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize