did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
