So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
