the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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