Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
