I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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