would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
