We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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