Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
