I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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