The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
