dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
