Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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